I’ve been doing some deep dark diving lately. Processing new layers of worth and value, and with that my relationship with my own value and with money. I have much learning to do in this lifetime with the physical realm. Emotions, energy, thoughts, spirit realm, I got yah. Bridging all this into the physical is where I get to stretch and grow.

Let’s dive into the deep dark together. For a very long time I have had this panicky fear around money. I feared spending too much too frequently. Even just buying groceries for my family I would get a little dizzy at the cash register. I would explain to therapists and friends that I felt like a black hole for money. Where everything around me got sucked into, and nothing ever came came out. I felt powerless. This has been my energetic blueprint for my relationship with money for a long time. I know the story there is old and I won’t go into the details. But you get the idea.

Thankfully, I have been rewriting this story for a time. I have been sitting with this panicky fear of over spending. I have been healing my body and the stuck energy that has lived there. I have learned to deeply inhabit my womb center. I have claimed my work in the world, inhabited my body and my womb. I have learned from her primordial darkness. I have touched dirt and remembered the regenerative quality of black compost. I have learned to rest deeply during my bleed and honor the cave time, the death of one cycle so the next can live. I have remembered that my body holds the blueprint of creation itself through its cycles. I have learned to co-create with my menstrual cycle. I have learned the power that my womb holds. I have learned and experienced that creation is birthing through me. That my desires are holy, that my body is sacred, that my gifts hold great worth and are needed on this planet at this moment by many. That within the fertile darkness of my womb lies unlimited creative potential. Knowing this. Vibrating from this place, the place of beginnings of potentiality. This changes the story.

I was right about something from the beginning, though it seems I got my science wrong. A black hole is not where everything gets sucked in and never comes out. That is just what we see from one side of the galaxy perhaps. There is in fact a relationship between the creation of galaxies themselves and the black holes that live at their centers. Often the size of the black hole is proportional with the size of the galaxy. The theories vary if black holes indeed birth new galaxies but the possibility exists. Energetically this primordial void space where one star has died and something new is yet to form seems indeed to be the energetic makeup of creation. This is the birth life death creation process alive in nature, the universe and our very wombs. The darkness and yes even the fertile nature of the black hole, the space of infinite potential lives inside of us. According to Cosmotography.com “... these original supermassive black holes most likely arose prior to and helped in the creation of the galaxies that continue to spin about them. They were essential to galactic evolution (they still are!) and, in the long run, to the creation of our Sun, our planet and our very existence.” I was right all along! I was an energetic black hole! The creative center of a galaxy. The primordial force of the universe that in fact births entire galaxies. The darkness of the creatrix herself. The void, where all life begins. The rich black fecundity of soil, womb and the night sky. This is not a life sucking force. This is a life giving force.

Today, sitting close to wet soil and bright orange mushrooms I realized that yes ‘Hamsa’. Meaning I am that in Sanskrit. I am the black hole. I hold that force of creation within my womb. I am not the greater creatrix herself, but I am part of her and she lives through me. I am that. Creation birthing through me. The primordial yoni of the universe opened her holy womb. And so the panicky fear of not enoughness and lack of safety and the floor dropping out from beneath me exists, yes. It can get pulled into the great gravitational pull of the black hole and break down into stardust, ready to be made new. Vibrate in the inky blackness of creation. Just like that. Yes indeed I am a black hole, birthing creation. Will you join me?

You are filled with the nutrient dense fertility of creation itself. Learn to plant the seed of your desires and watch them grow the garden that we are all dreaming of. It may sound fanciful and I do love a little whimsy and am no stranger to dreams. But truly. I will whisper to you the secrets of the ancient mystery schools. We will claim the rhythm of nature that lives in our wombs. We will remember the pulse of creation that beats through each of our veins, ocean waves, and baby’s breath. This is what we came here to do. It is no small task. Birthing a new world. But I think we can all agree the pulse is growing louder and it is long past time.

With love,

Jamie

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